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AITA for refusing to give back a birthday gift after the person who gave it to me changed their mind?
"I (24F) had a birthday a few weeks ago, and one of my eldest cousin gave me a vintage film camera that used to belong to our grandfather. She told me she picked me specifically because, I’m the only person in the family who has passion for photography and she thought he would’ve liked that.
I was honestly touched. I cleaned it up, bought film for it, and even spent money getting one of the lenses repaired. I’ve already used it a few times and posted some photos online.
Last weekend, we had another family get-together, and apparently several relatives were surprised that she gave it to me due to the fact that the camera had sentimental value to multiple people. I didn’t know any of this beforehand. Nobody had ever mentioned wanting it."
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Family heirlooms somehow have the magical ability to turn completely normal people into medieval nobles fighting over succession rights. One second everybody is peacefully eating potato salad at a family gathering, and the next there’s a full emotional debate about who “deserves” grandfather’s vintage camera based on bloodline politics that nobody cared enough to mention until after the gift had already been given away.
And honestly, that’s the part that makes this whole situation so frustrating. The cousin didn’t secretly steal the camera out of somebody’s attic and hand it off in the dead of night. She intentionally gave it away as a birthday gift, publicly, to the one family member who actually actively cares about photography. That’s genuinely kind of sweet. The grandfather’s camera didn’t end up shoved in a storage box collecting dust; it ended up with someone restoring it, repairing the lens, buying film for it, and actually using it the way it was originally intended. In theory, that feels like the best possible outcome for a sentimental object.
But family dynamics have a way of transforming sentimental value into competitive sport. The second relatives saw the camera online and realized, “Oh wait, that thing actually matters,” suddenly everybody developed extremely passionate opinions about where it belongs. Funny how nobody claimed emotional attachment to it until after somebody else visibly loved it first.
The cousin asking for it back “temporarily” also feels like one of those situations where everybody already knows temporary doesn’t actually mean temporary. Once a family argument reaches the “who deserves it more” stage, there’s almost no universe where giving the camera back wouldn’t immediately become permanent. And from the OP’s perspective, why would they trust that process? They already spent money restoring the thing because they reasonably believed it belonged to them now. A gift is a gift. That’s kind of the whole foundational concept behind giving someone a gift.
What’s especially annoying is how quickly families love to weaponize the phrase “keeping the peace” when they actually mean “please quietly inconvenience yourself so everyone else stops complaining.” Suddenly the person being pressured to sacrifice something becomes the selfish one for not immediately surrendering to group guilt. Meanwhile, the dozens of relatives causing the actual conflict somehow escape responsibility entirely.
Also, maybe this is controversial, but if an heirloom truly mattered that much to the family as a collective object, somebody should’ve figured that out before gifting it away. You cannot hand somebody a deeply sentimental item, watch them emotionally and financially invest in it, and then retroactively decide ownership was still up for public debate.
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"Two days later, my cousin called me sounding stressed and asked if she could take the camera back temporarily because another cousin is upset and thinks it should stay on that side of the family. I asked if she meant temporarily or permanently, and she admitted she didn’t know anymore because now relatives are arguing about who “deserves” it.
I told her I didn’t think it was fair to ask for it back after gifting it to me, especially after I’d already spent money restoring it and started using it. She said she understands, but now some family members are calling me selfish and saying I’m prioritizing an object over family peace."
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"Whereas, if she had loaned it to me, I’d absolutely return it. But she was very clear that it was a birthday gift. I didn’t pressure her into giving it to me, and I had no idea there would be family drama attached to it afterward.
Now people are acting like, i took something sentimental away from the family, even though I literally received it as a gift in front of everyone.
AITA for refusing to give the camera back after it was already gifted to me?"
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From now on, whenever someone mentions it, say "It was a birthday gift because of my passion for photography, and I've spent money restoring it. He was my grandfather too. I can't believe you're prioritizing an object over family harmony."
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It was a thoughtful gift, and you’ve already cleaned it up and repaired it. You will actually use it and treasure it. And he was your grandfather too, so it still is in the family. NTA
If you “loan” it back to her, you will never see it again. I wonder if someone thinks it’s worth a lot of money and wants to sell it.
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NTA. You have as much right to your grandfather's heirlooms as his other grandchildren.
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NTA. It belonged to your grandfather, too, so it's absolutely appropriate that it ends up with you. If you want to 'keep the peace,' offer to sell it to any of the mouthy people who claim to want it for the price of the restoration, including your time. Bet they lose interest real fast.
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NTA, it was a gift and you’ve now invested money into it. It is currently in your possession and I’m sure you have receipts showing your investment. It is your property. Do not give it back or let anyone else borrow it. Why did no one else care about it up until it was given to you and you put effort into fixing it?
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NTA they all forgot about it until you fixed it up and started using it.
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NTA- the family that now wants the camera are AHs. They had no sentimental attachment. It's just fixed now, usable, and probably worth something. Tell the family that they are welcome to enjoy the photos you take with it.
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“saying I’m prioritizing an object over family peace.”
Ummm…. Isn’t that what they are doing?
This was cousin’s to give and if it wasn’t that’s between them and cousin. They should be happy that the camera is getting used and loved instead of sitting broken.
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Do not give it back. Absolute not the asshole.
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NTA, asking for a gift back is a pretty awful thing to do. Sounds as if she has some very greedy family members.
If this camera was such a treasure how come no one else repaired it?
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NTA. It is not your problem or your fault that she chose to give away the camera without confirming that no one else wanted it. You are well within your right to keep that camera especially since you are actively using it.
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NTA. Nobody carried about the camera until you restored it. Nobody cared when it was sitting on cousin's shelf or in a box in the closet or wherever it was.
You took the time to restore the camera because you are a photographer. Are any of the cousin's asking or demanding the camera photographers? It seems like they want a shelf trophy or they think it's valuable as a sellable item.
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NTA, YOU’RE not the one “prioritizing an object over family peace”. They apparently care about someone else’s feelings more than yours; he was your grandfather too, why does someone else deserve it more than you? Sounds like you’re the only one who actually will use the camera, and I’m sure your grandfather would rather someone use it than have it just sit on a shelf or on a closet. You keep that camera and let using it bring you happiness.
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😂 Wow, definitely NTA! Pot calling the kettle black... You're creating a wedge over an item... While they're getting upset over an item... So they can get upset but you can't?
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NTA and don't give it back. "some family members are calling me selfish and saying I’m prioritizing an object over family peace" - that's EXACTLY what they are doing.
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NTA It was a gift, you spent time and money working on it, you are a relative of the original owner: the camera now belongs to you. I think the one claiming to be”deserve” it actually wants it now that they’ve seen its potential.
When my husband’s grandmother died, the four children went through her belongings and divided them up. One of the things not taken was a Chanukah menorah that was old, dirty, and covered in old wax from years of use. My husband took the time to clean it and it ended up looking beautiful. His aunt (grandmother’s daughter) said she changed her mind and thought she would take it now. My husband, who was usually pretty generous about things, refused to give it up. He told her that she didn’t want it before he cleaned it up, so she couldn’t have it now that it was pretty again.
We used it for our family, and then passed it on to our oldest daughter, who still uses it for her family every year.
There’s lots of good advice in the comments. Follow it and keep the camera!
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